I bought OPOSBG!

That stands for Over-Priced, Out-of-Season Green Beans. IHP would kill me right now. It's also ridiculous that I was picking these green beans all summer from Granny's garden and certainly did not pay $6 for them. But that's the precise reason I bought them. So suck it!

What else?

Got into a car accident. [expletive, expletive, expletive] It was my fault. But not really my fault because unplowed snow/ice + my brakes = sliding past a stop sign at 7am. Still, my insurance is going to skyrocket just in time for me to graduate and be unemployed!

Went to David's Bridal today and got measured for my dress. Woot. Not much has changed size-wise since freshman year of high school. Not much, except for my waist. Ha! Oh well. I'm a growing girl, right? A couple of inches seems normal for seven years. At least to me.

Last but not least, I have started my applications. Teach for America, Peace Corps, and a fellowship. Also Environment America and Fund for the Public Interest. I wrote the last one last because it's my last resort. Yeah. And I'm sure it's in the bag. But whatever. I've got interviews, so we'll see.

I think that's it for now. Class starts on Monday. Can't wait. [expletive expletive]

Back at Wellesley

Well, I'm here. I guess I didn't have a choice but to come back (damn those commitments). And I don't really feel like publicly posting my feelings about the weekend. There are very few outside of my family who actually understand the gravity of it all (and only a few more who have tried). I'm not really sure I fully understand yet. Except that it's been a week and I'm still crying. I don't know. It still doesn't feel real. Maybe once I get it all out in my letter or journal, I can write a few words here.

Emma just called. Gonna talk to her for a bit.

Going home

Well, I meant to post more yesterday, but everything changed and it was a bit of a roller coaster. No tears yet. But I'm going home instead of to NYC, and it will be nice to see the family. Sam and Paul are both flying in, so it will be good to see them again. And my mother will have all of her children in once place since the wedding back in May. Hopefully she will refrain from family photo opportunities.

So now I am struggling to pack. I feel like I'm a point person in all of this, which is weird, and will be weirder when I'm home. I have a feeling I won't want to come back. We'll see. We'll see. I've already paid for this semester, so I guess I'm locked in. Sadly, (lack of) money is one of the things that keeps me in line-- e.g. can't afford a speeding ticket, can't afford not to go back to school, etc.

But the inauguration was great. You can see a bit more of my feelings at replyforall's blog site. If there's one thing I haven't had time to think about lately, it's how I feel about things. But surely, it was a great experience. I'm looking forward to the Power Shift conference at the end of February.

Also, I was looking at Teach for America stuff... and thinking, yeah, maybe if I can agree to a two-year commitment (have I EVER done that?). Then I was thinking, if it's a two-year commitment, shouldn't I do something else I've been craving? Like, the Peace Corps? But then, am I just doing it to run away again? Hrm. I'm definitely good at running away from things that scare me. And "real" life is one of them. You wouldn't think I'd have such a huge problem entering the workforce since I've been working since I was 15 (younger, if you include babysitting), and most of the time held more than one job at a time. I get the whole working until you can't remember when you slept last, being called into work at ungodly hours, giving up fun things because I know I need the money, and trying to balance personal relationships and things that are important to me with my work. But damn. I think that by entering the "real world" I will no longer feel like I'm working towards anything. At least at Wellesley (I can't even say I made a commitment to them, I planned on transferring sophomore year and then left for a year after that) I am working towards my degree, as crappy a degree as it is.

I feel completely unprepared. With what skills will I leave Wellesley? Uh, yeah. I can read. And write you a paper about it. Cool. And I'm in the hole upwards of $60,000 so I can say that? Crap. Totally unprepared.

And totally unprepared for going home this weekend. I can't even pack. It's scary. I don't want to have to deal with it. Any of it. But I guess I'm forced to do this, and I need to be forced. Something I can't run away from, as much as I'd like to be in denial (and still am for the time being).

Also, the family I work for is totally awesome. So understanding and sweet. Seriously, I lucked out with this one. The youngest made me a card today after school.

Obama-nation day!

Barackin' the White House since 12:01 pm. Hell yes. They have a blog, too, which is awesome.

I loved the speech. I loved that it was honest and humble and gracious. My favorite:

"For we know that our patchwork heritage is a strength, not a weakness. We are a nation of Christians and Muslims, Jews and Hindus -- and nonbelievers. We are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every end of this Earth; and because we have tasted the bitter swill of civil war and segregation, and emerged from that dark chapter stronger and more united, we cannot help but believe that the old hatreds shall someday pass; that the lines of tribe shall soon dissolve; that as the world grows smaller, our common humanity shall reveal itself; and that America must play its role in ushering in a new era of peace.

To the Muslim world, we seek a new way forward, based on mutual interest and mutual respect. To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West: Know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist.

To the people of poor nations, we pledge to work alongside you to make your farms flourish and let clean waters flow; to nourish starved bodies and feed hungry minds. And to those nations like ours that enjoy relative plenty, we say we can no longer afford indifference to suffering outside our borders; nor can we consume the world's resources without regard to effect. For the world has changed, and we must change with it."

He also mentioned wind and solar power, hooray! It feels like New Year's all over again. God, I really want to be a speech writer. Anywho, off to work. More thoughts tonight.

Oh crap... another semester like the last?

Well they posted books needed for my classes next semester.  My last semester (holy crap!).  But looking at this list for my political science class-- that I was so excited about-- I may need to rethink this.  The class itself is about people, agriculture, and the environment, which sounds awesome since I want to do work in environmental policy.   However, one of the books for the class is called "Starved for Science: How Biotechnology is Being Kept Out of Africa."  This is a book written by my professor.  Sounds great, right?  No.  It doesn't.  I'm supposed to write papers about biotechnology when I disagree with his premise in the first place-- that is, that biotechnology (specifically GE/ GM seeds) should be anywhere?  Another book is called "Innovations in Natural Resource Management," which argues that property rights are necessary to give motivation for sustainable use of renewable resources.  So much for the commons.

Oh crap.  It should be interesting, right?  I spent last semester arguing with my professors because we disagreed with basic premises of the class.  I'm kind of looking forward to it, actually.  I like debating issues.  Hopefully it will work out better for me as a student than last semester...

I'm also taking a political science research class and a women studies class.  Someone made the comment that I should not graduate from Wellesley without taking women's studies-- it's like women's studies capital of the world.  So, why not?  I needed to take a third class, anyway.  And again, I like debating things... who better to argue with than a feminist?  Looking forward to it...

Craziness!

So I had gotten back this morning (or technically yesterday morning, now that it's past midnight) at around 2am, and I didn't want to park in the garage and have to walk back. So I parked outside my building.

Big mistake. In fact, mistake may deserve a capital M. My car is now buried under about a foot and a half of snow. Shovel-less as I am, I'm not really sure how I'm going to get it up and moving tomorrow. Not to mention I am on empty. Everyone cross your fingers that I can get my car out, and that the gas line isn't frozen... Oh dear.

Also, Jeff came over and we got some Chinese food and watched The Mist. It had the most horrible dialogue probably ever (compounded by the even worse acting), but we watched it all the way through and it was crazy! The mob mentality that comes out about halfway into the movie made me almost have to stop watching. That stuff scares the living crap out of me, because I know it happens in real life. Gives me the creeps that people become overzealous like that and then do really dangerous, homicidal things.


Well, I have tomorrow off of work and then Tuesday is a big day-- my dad's birthday! Which is being overshadowed by some other crazy event... I forget what it is, but people are all up in arms about it.

Gah!

I've noticed that all of my recent blog posts have been titled with some kind of noise, so I'm just going with the flow this time.

I am so pissed I don't have pictures from this weekend. It was fabulous. Saw some great people, did some great things, and can't wait to do it all again soon. <3

Next weekend I'll either be in NYC or at home, depending on Granny. My dad called this morning to say that she was out of it since talking to me yesterday afternoon on the phone, and is probably not going to pull through this time. I feel weird writing about it because she's so unpredictable, and I honestly said this six months ago and she's still here. Oh boy. One day at a time.

I've applied for a couple of positions, just submitting resumes. I don't want to be working twelve hours a day, seven days a week, so I'm trying to start early. I even made an excel sheet with job info and their deadlines. I haven't looked at it since, but at least I made it. And I'll probably still end up working "campaign hours" at whatever crappy, have-to-apply-for-food-stamps job I get, but then I will just have to stick it out. Not much else to do. But until I have that crappy job, I will apply for everything. The real world is only six months away!

Ay

I am watching 24. I didn't think I would be interested anymore (ya know, like that period of my life would be over) but the producers know what they're doing. And they brought back one aspect of the show that will keep me watching until I turn grey. Tony Almeida. That's right.

I'm back at Wellesley. I did the 5k. Here's pictures of my sister, Krista. I'm in the background/ sideground of these. We are not really running. There were almost 5,000 people and running wasn't really an option. We got stuck behind people and the course didn't really accomodate passing them. But then we saw cameras and were like, "Crap! We have to at least look like we're running!" So we would start jogging, basically in place, until we passed them. Then 50 yards ahead we would spot another photographer and have to affect running again. Ha. It was hilar. (That's another word I type but don't say. Add it to the list.)

As for Disney, Viva Gaia! That was their theme and the conservation issue is pretty big. I also learned that Disney bought the land with the strict purpose of not developing 8,000 acres of it. Ever. No matter what. Which is pretty cool. I went on the safari ride... not as cool as the real thing, but there were a lot of rhinos which I didn't see in Ngorongoro. Except the one that took forever to get a thumbnail picture of with my camera and monocular. And I'm pretty sure Lucy was out there. She was the rhino we got to meet on our backstage tour a couple of years ago when we learned about their efforts and conservation and animal stuff at Disney. Lucy was a white rhino. She was a baby then, and would lean up against the side of the barrier so that we could pet her. Adorable.

Also kind of got along with my mom. My sisters were in a funk and it was upsetting my mom. (Anyone who knows me knows how ridiculously defensive my family is, and how they can just... ugh, I don't even know what to call it. Be mean, I guess. Being away from it most of the time makes it harder to be around it when I am, and I am really trying to lose that trait myself.)

Babysitting went alright. I'm going to NYC in a week and a half, and I'm sooo excited about it. Rice to Riches, here I come! And hopefully to upstate NY and Amherst, too.

OHHH. And I got my grades from last semester. Thank GOD. That's all I have to say. Big sigh of relief. Maybe I can still graduate with honors? ...Graduate. Eek. That's a scary thought. I'll update on life plans once I have some. Ha.

Uh-whaaa?

I don't really know how to type out the sound I made. But this was a story on the news tonight: A mother and father are arrested for shooting their children for fun.

Uhhh--whaaa? First of all, who does that?? Like, if your mad at your kids or feel like your life would be better, fine. (NOT fine, but you know what I'm saying. Hopefully.) But seriously, FOR FUN?!? Who DOES that? "Well, wifey, there's nothing on tv tonight. Wanna play with the shotguns? We'll get the kids. It'll be family bonding. And target practice. All at once." ?!?

Also, I'm assuming this happened in the Charlotte area, which should really tell you the kind of city I'm dealing with here. Now I can honestly say, "yeah, it's so boring here, people shoot their kids for fun."

Jesus.

Well, I'm video-chatting with Jeff and trying to pack to leave in 5 hours. Ugh. I hate packing. But I'll miss you Charlotte-area kids. And if anyone just so happens to come across a Reef flip flop in the parking lot of BiLo, send it my way. That was a crazy night, but that flip flop was my favorite. Not just that pair, but that particular flip flop of the pair. RIP flip flop. I will miss you.

But really, kids, I will miss you. Only six more months. Sigh. June cannot come soon enough.

Hrm

Last day in Charlotte and I am definitely not motivated to do laundry, pack, or anything else that preparing to leave for another six months would require. Eh.

Also, I watched P.S. I Love You a couple of nights ago and it got me thinking about what I really want... suspenders. I really want some suspenders. I don't know what I would wear with them, or on what occasion, but they're just so fun!

Also, Tonya's dad now thinks I'm 1) delusional, and 2) wayyy too into Tonya's sex life. Kind of hilarious. I'm not going to go into details except to say it involved a hoop skirt. Trust me, you had to be there.

I went to my granny's a couple days ago to spend some time with her (probably the last time, but I don't want to think about that) and two preachers stopped by to see her. They prayed with her and for her, and for me, oddly. One of them was talking with me about what I wanted to do after graduation and he said, "just keeping praying and the Lord will lead you in the right direction." I wanted to say, "yeah, I'm praying to every god out there-- hell, I'll pray to this two-liter Dr. Pepper bottle if it'll get me a job." But I kept my mouth shut; perhaps a Southern Baptist preacher wouldn't find it all that funny.

Leaving tomorrow at dark thirty. Ugh. I told my family I was going to sleep in the car tonight to make sure I'm ready to leave at 5am, but something tells me I'll be up that long trying to get my stuff together. I should know never to pack a full suitcase when I come home for the holidays.

Ugh. I need to get a job lined up. Everyone cross your fingers that I don't have to move back home after graduation. My soul will suffocate.

Eek

Things I have learned about myself:

I have no idea what I'm going to do when I graduate. I have no plans. Not even a little bit.

I don't like things touching my eyeballs. Contacts are hard and I have great respect for people who can poke at their eyeballs with foreign objects.

I hate packing, and unpacking. Though I am comfortable living out of a suitcase.

I like buying books even though I don't foresee a time when I will read them all.

I like crosswords. A lot. I will waste a lot of time doing them, and it's very nice way to get my mind off of things.

I work very well with deadlines. In fact, if I don't have deadlines I will procrastinate for as long as possible and never get anything done. Self-imposed deadlines do not work, either. Replyforall must hate me right now.


That's all for now. I'm bringing Creating a World Without Poverty: social business and the future of capitalism by Muhammad Yunus to granny's house, so hopefully I'll have some thoughts to report on that. And hopefully I will post a blog for replyforall before I leave for FL.

Ending thought: I asked my dad last night (quite pitifully) what the heck I was going to do with my life. His answer? "Live it." He's such a wise man.

I am no Shaun White

In case anyone thought for a second that I would understand the concept of snowboarding, I would just like to inform you that I do not.

I guess that's not exactly true, but I definitely felt it better to purposely fall down than risk falling off the mountain. I'm sure it wouldn't have been so bad, but I was going wayyyy to fast for my liking, so I took matters into my own hands. And now my shoulder is hella sore. And I fell on the same place that I did in Mexico (when I blacked out on the sidewalk), which was painful to say the least. But it was totally worth it. The next time I have enough extra cash, I'm going again. Anyone in the NY/MA area wanna come with? I promise this time I will get more than three hours of sleep the night before.

Off subject: snowboarding may be a metaphor for my life. I mean, I could make a metaphor for my life out of just about anything, but I'd say this is pretty good.

Also, does anyone else have words that they type or write, but that they would never say in real life? "Hella" is one of those words for me.

Leaving for Orlando in four days. Which means I have four days to recover from snowboarding, and prepare for the 5K. God. Sometimes I feel like a masochist. And guess who left their running shoes at school!

Welcome

Thanks for tuning in. Awkward, ridiculous, and hilarious things to come!

Welcome to life off the treadmill. Now get yourself something to drink.