Procrastination!

This time it's for Peyton, not for me. So what is new with my life?

I had an interview with Environment America today, and was offered a second interview before I left. That's pretty cool. It's a two year fellowship where I could possibly be working on bills and legislation for one particular issue, which is right up my alley... I hope this means I could end up in DC after all...

My TFA interview is on Tuesday morning. That one I'm a bit more nervous and still a bit conflicted about, but we'll see.

I was also offered a paid position in the company for which I was volunteer blogging, sweet as. It was a bit unexpected, but I guess they like me enough to pay me now, so that's good. Hopefully I can keep up with all of this stuff! That's what makes me most nervous.

I got a message the other night from an old friend with the greeting, "Hippie! (an old nickname from high school)" And oh man, it made my night. He's just hilarious. And he posited that we should go to graduate school together. I messed up the college plans because I went to an all women's college. Oops. But he's going on tour this summer with his band, and I'm so so so happy for him! Way to live the dream, dude. An inspiration. <3 to you.

Umm I guess that's about it... I'm going to DC tomorrow with a carload of people for the Power Shift conference. Hopefully that will be fun, and I'll get to visit some old stomping grounds, and old friends. I'm thinking I'll drop off a resume at the NRDC... couldn't hurt, right? :)

My more personal stuff is too personal to post. It's funny how you forget things until the topic of conversation comes up again. There's been some talk/discussion/debate on campus about abuse and what constitutes an abuser... and woah, memories. It's weird to remember, though, especially this particular memory, because it's just that absurd. Like, I couldn't make up something as absurd as this. We'll save that for another time, when I feel like getting into it. But what does constitute abuse? If he hits you once, should you end it? What about drawing the line with emotional abuse? And what do you do about it? I'll let you chew on that for a while, then I'll give my unique input, since I have a bit of experience in the area.

Oh, and some quiz questions before I go:

1) What is one thing that makes seahorses unique? (I say unique, which is very subjective, but something that we humans would find abnormal.)

2) How many siblings do I have? Name them. (If you're my sibling, you're getting off very easy here in the beginning.)

And the answer to the last questions were, as posted:

1) Gerald Ford. He was nominated by Nixon after VP Agnew resigned, and became President after Nixon resigned. Follow up question, if you're just that good: Who did Ford nominate to fill his VP vacancy when he became President? It's a big name, hint, hint.

2) Rae. My dad would play "doe ray me" on the piano, and instead of "Ray, a drop of golden sun," it became, "Rae, Johanna's middle name..." Tee hee. He also changed Puff the Magic Dragon to live in a land called Hanna Rae, instead of Hannalee (or however it's spelled).

That's all for now! See ya on the flip side!

Oops, quiz question:

I forgot to add quiz questions.

One historical, one personal. Take a stab at them:

1.) Who was the only President never elected to any executive office, ever?

2.) What is my middle name?

Yes, we're starting easy on the personal questions. If you know me at all, you should know that one. I think the historical one is pretty easy, too, but I spent my childhood.... well, maybe we'll save that one for another quiz question.

"People are autonomous agents, damn them."

I swear, my research methods professor is hilarious. This won out over my other favorite comment from class today: "We like pot, we like dogs." The two do seem to go hand in hand, don't they? That comment was in reference to two MA ballot initiatives, one being to decriminalize marijuana, the other to make greyhound racing illegal. They both passed, hence the comment. (I know too many people who are probably going to move to MA now, and it won't be for the dog-friendly atmosphere.)

The other comment made it to the subject line because it was in discussion of how you can never have a regression coefficient of 1, because the world is not perfect. And it seemed more fitting to my life, since I'm growing more comfortable with the fact that I can't control people, or change them, or make them want to change. Which has been a problem in my life, since I get into sucky situations hoping that one of the above will occur. After which I end up getting hurt because none of them do. And some people can be a little too selfish and careless. I mean, sure, everyone needs to be selfish sometimes, but really, people. Consider what you're being selfish about and whether or not being so hurts people in the process. Because that's just not okay. And I'm guilty of this, too. So call me out on it if you see it happening at all, to anyone. Because that's just not okay.

Oh man, something else I've realized. That time in a relationship doesn't mean ANYTHING as far as its effect on your life. For instance, relationship for almost 4 abusive years v. a period of about 4-5 months. Guess which one I still can't talk about.

I have an interview in two days! Eep! I hate interviews! I get all flustered and excited and come off sounding like an idiot. But I don't want this job that badly. Well, depending on the position they offer, anyway. Two days, I find out about whether or not I got another interview. Crossing my fingers for that one.

Alright, I've got to pass out soon or I will go crazy. Powershift this weekend, Charlotte/Asheville/Raleigh/Chapel Hill/who knowwwws in one month! YES!

"If music be the food of love, play on."

Anyone know what that is from?

I'm going to make my blog more fun by adding quizzes. So that's the first question. Ten points, because I'm sure you can guess who wrote it, but in what?

Tonight I went to the A Capella competition. It was great. Particularly the Barnard/Colombia group, Non Sequitur. One arrangement for "I'm Yours" was incredible. Really. It's amazing to me. And of course, the Blue Notes and Tupelos performed as well-- Tupelos, which used to be really good, needed some work, though they came in third. Maybe they were nervous? Blue Notes hosted, and had an amazing performance. I was impressed, and they did one of my favorites, "On the Radio."

Anyway, I guess I've been MIA. Life is crazy! I'm busy with class and heading to DC next weekend for the Powershift conference, and staying with Jennie Sisk, yay! I'm also pitching an idea to my professors in the political science department to do a paper for each of them on the same subject-- one being qualitative for my seminar, and one being quantitative for my research methods. Hm, we'll see. I need some ideas... anyone got something environment-related? Agriculture-related?

Speaking of professors, I'm missing a make-up class on Monday, so I met with my seminar professor and we discussed many, many things beyond our famine reading. Including, but not limited to: GMOs, the UN, anarchy, "international aid," corn subsidies, cotton subsidies, Ethiopia, Sudan, and "democracy." It was crazy, and I can't wait to go to that class again. I'll probably post a lot about it on this blog, so be prepared. You might be hearing a lot about the Ethiopian Famine in 1984-5, since I've chosen my first research paper to be on that topic.

I find out this week if I got an interview. Hoorah. And I need to fill out my application for Peace Corps, since I found out that the application process takes a YEAR. As in, I wouldn't be leaving, if accepted, until this time next year. Ugh. I guess that means I'd have time to travel, right?

I'm being incredibly cultured this semester, and taking full advantage of all of Wellesley's resources. Particularly theatre, the gym, and the pub. Somehow those three things all fit together for me.

Awkward moment with Jeff the other day. I'm not really sure what's going on there.

Also, a person from my past has been entering my thoughts lately. It's weird because I really would like to contact him but I don't think that is a good idea. Even though I want to apologize and explain the impact he's had on my life. It's just weird. Very weird. I blame my medication.

Okay, I wish I had some multimedia going on here to make this more interesting. Sorry. Maybe I'll scan a picture in here from the few that someone I used to know gave me from our DC trip. I do love DC. Sighhhh.

In other news...

I just wanted to post some links I found on solar panels. Because it excites me. They've been borrowing ideas from plants to enable panels to store and utilize lower levels of sunlight. Also, scientists have created solar panels on a nano-scale so that it can be applied to fabric, etc.

Also, when I was talking to my dad about biomimicry, expressing my opinion that perhaps we as humans should get off of our high horse since basically everything that we've invented has been done before, and done better. I mean, maybe the one thing nature hasn't done is the atomic bomb... but I'm not so sure that's something we should brag about.

Anyway, when I explained this, my dad agreed and said, "you're right, it has been done before, we haven't really come up with anything new." And I replied that maybe we should take a lesson from the billions of years the earth has been here and organisms that have survived in collaboration with other organisms, rather than to their detriment. My dad said, "Yes, you're right. But maybe they had a better engineer."

Now, obviously he was referring to God. So I'm not sure which says more about my spirituality: That it had never occurred to me to think of it like that, or that when he said it, I found the statement to be utterly profound.

"I think there's a little efficacy, but I don't think I could sit in Barack Obama's lap."

That's a quote from the professor of my PoliSci research methods class, in regards to graph analysis of a survey from ANES. I thought it was hilarious, so I'm sharing here.

What else is going on? Hmm. My car got towed last night, emptying my available cash balance from my bank account. Yes, Jeff, I should have just come to see you this weekend. In my journal before I left for the party, I wrote that I was going to push my luck and go out on Friday the 13th. Clearly I should not tempt fate.

Also, after spending about four straight hours on the phone tonight, I have realized that if you can't spend that long on the phone (with someone you talk to a lot, anyway), you must be uninteresting. Because our conversation was long and disconnected (horror movies to relationship stuff to personal insight to god knows what else) but it was fun and interesting.

Valentine's Day = one of the stupidest holidays ever. Though I might just think that because everyone I've been with one Valentine's day have been the biggest, most unromantic people ever.

Except for Jake, my "best Valentine's day ever." Goodness. I was way too immature/damaged from my previous relationship to understand what all that meant. Amazing.

Which brings up a point of a convo I had with Tonya about grand gestures. I don't need them, and oddly enough the people I don't need them from are the people most willing to do it. The whole grand gesture idea is only romantic insofar that it's not about having to prove your feelings for someone, it's just because you truly want to do something more than your normal, everyday doings, and you want to do it for the other person. That's what makes them so lovely, when they happen, because they are completely selfless. Because the person knows you don't need grand gestures but chooses to do them anyway.

That said, doing it on V-day just is ridiculous. It's a made up holiday with so much material crap attached to it, it makes me want to puke. Of course, I don't like celebrating holidays at all, because I feel like you shouldn't have to wait for a holiday to celebrate a person or a relationship or whatever.

That said, Thanksgiving is an exception. It's my favorite holiday. And to get family together and off of work, you do need the excuse of it being a holiday.

Here's an idea for another holiday (to perhaps replace Valentine's Day)-- ELECTION DAY. Gah.

Going rock climbing tomorrow, yay. Haven't gone up here since sophomore year, so I'm in definite need.

Haha, more procrastination

Well, I am trying to get things done for this application but it's happening very slowly because I get distracted SO EASILY. But, one thing is cool and the other is both awkward and humorous. We'll start with the awkward first:

So I was looking for an email with the contact info of an old prof (I've mentioned him here before, and he was the one who made me apply to IHP), and came across a few emails we'd exchanged. One he asked for info about my trip abroad, so I gave him the link to my website. However, he apparently kept reading blog posts post-trip and mid-summer, and had this to say in one email:

"I have to sheepishly admit that I read a number of your blog entries -
first with traveler's envy and intellectual fascination, and then with
mortification. I'm sincerely sorry to hear about your
more-than-unfortunate history with the bloke that you discussed early on.
Though I strongly recommend sticking to your own sex, do know that there
are some good guys out there. Search in the benevolent margins & shadows
of society; good guys generally don't like to announce themselves."

So awkward. And so funny. I just had to share. I don't think I responded to that email either, because what was I going to say? "Thanks for the relationship advice, professor?" It just seemed weird. But nice that he cared to say "Get away." And also suggested that I become a lesbian. Haha, it was like something my dad would say, except he wouldn't really mean it.

Anyway, on to the cool stuff. Now, I do not plan on ever getting married. Gov't keeping tabs, religion and gov't mixing, religion/gov't keeping some people from enjoying benefits of marriage, and I would rather wake up every day knowing the person I was with chose to be with me that day rather than because it would be expensive to decide otherwise. To keep my explanation short. But should I get married, or maybe just get a ring from someone one day, this is the type of ring I want:

Isn't it amazing? This one in particular is rosewood with an ash inlay. Or if I wanted to get all fancy:


Gorgeous, right? The last one there has a mother of pearl inlay. You can find more wooden rings here, and you should read more about the company, too. It's quite interesting...

Oh crap! Gotta go!

Procrastination!

I need to be writing essays for applications, reading for class, etc. But instead I'm choosing to write here.

I don't want to get into a huge post, though I've been thinking about a lot of things. I'll post a few quick thoughts, and we'll go from there.

1. I went to a Teach for America dinner tonight, and talked to a couple of alums who did the program and highly recommend it. Granted, one of them works for the recruitment office, so what do you expect? Still, she thought enough of the program to get a job getting other people to do it. And I did leave feeling a bit better about applying, but I'm wondering about my reasons. That is, why do I want to do Teach for America? Because it is a paying job, yes, definitely. Because I always end up working with kids, unfortunately (or not; though I dislike the category of "children" itself, I grow to like the individuals). But I also want to make a difference in the lives of others. And I was thinking, yeah, I should do this, or go for it at least.

But immediately after I left the dinner, I noticed a missed call from the 15-yr old for whom I babysit. (I should insert here that it's not about looking after said 15-yr old so much as it is driving him around.) Anyway, he called because he's rewriting his history paper and had a question about one of the marks I made on his paper. I was shocked that he actually took the time to read over it (I like to edit things, for fun, it's really quite sad), and take the time to call for a clarification when his grade in history is fine, though he could use some improvement in English (I said editing this paper was a practice for his English papers). So my first thought was that, hey, I could do this, I am having mini-English sessions with all the kids as it is, so why not get paid for it (though sadly, probably not as much per hour as I get babysitting)? Then I started thinking about whether or not I needed to be a teacher to do make a difference. I've had a talk with the mother about how much of an impact I've had on the kids' lives already, so do I really need to go into a field devoted to children?

Most importantly, there is a conflict here. Thinking about all of this made me wonder about the priorities I have when looking for a job path (I would say "career," but I'm not even sure I want to have one of those). The face-off is: Making a difference v. Doing something I'm passionate about. I would like to do both, of course, but which comes first? If I am making a difference, do I become more passionate about whatever that is? If I am passionate about something, will I not make a difference in whatever field that is? I'm passionate about politics, and I'm passionate about getting other people passionate about participating in politics. I'm passionate about the environment and passionate about getting other people passionate about the environment. I'm passionate about peace and acceptance (if not the welcoming) of other religions/lives/ways of knowing, and... I think you get the idea here.

2. I am wondering how much I am afraid to fail, and whether or not there are areas of my life in which I inhibit myself from success, consciously or unconsciously. The procrastination is a good example of this. Though I tell myself it's because I work well under pressure.

3. I read over my sister's blog and made a few discoveries. One being that my sister has a really good heart. To clarify, I knew this already but sometimes I am just astounded by how many facets her goodness has. Also, that there are a lot of similarities in our personal reflections/behaviors/obstacles, and I wonder if this is genetic or the environment in which we were raised. I enjoy reading her blog because I'm finding out a lot about her that I didn't know, or am able to understand things I do know, more deeply. Lastly, I am really confused as to why she has made the comment that I am the better writer because I read her blog and am then utterly embarrassed by the blabbering, fumbling mess that you all read here.

*If you are reading this by the way, please post something else. Mostly because your most recent post is not a reminder I want to have every time I check your blog. You should post more often anyway, but I don't think I've fully dealt with all of that yet and therefore can't be bombarded with those emotions every time I type in your url.

4. Friends are funny things. It's quite amazing how great some of you are, and I am so thankful for you all.


That's all for now. I have no pictures or links to share, maybe next time. Back to reading/ searching online for the HIMYM episode that I missed.

I am so busy.

My life is so hard right now. WOE IS ME.

Just kidding, these approaching deadlines are stressing me a bit (I'm not understating, I wish they would stress me more so I would do something about it). I should really stop procrastinating. The fact that the deadline of one thing has now been extended, AGAIN, is only making it worse. I should get it done and in so they can just hire me already.

Other than that, I'm busy and I like it. Sort of.

Also, it hit about 50 today, melting most of the snow/ice and forming large puddles. Of course, now the puddles and standing water will freeze when it hits 18 tonight, so was it worth it? I dare say yes, though I may change my mind tomorrow when I bust my ass on said frozen puddles.

Childhood

Jessica at my crib when I was a baby

I really need some motivation in life. I'm trying to write a personal essay for this fellowship, and I can't seem to figure out the answer to their questions. What are my interests, fellowship objectives, and life goals? What qualifications do I have?

Aw hell. I don't know! And this is the easy essay.

But I do have a paper due tomorrow in my women's studies class relating childhood perspective theory to a memory. So I've been thinking a lot about memories, and some are just hilarious. For instance, when we used to go to presidents' homes/birthplaces/grave sites on vacation... which is just weird in itself. But I was reminded the last time I was home that there was one time when we went to the grave of Chester Arthur, and my sister and I (and Katie, I think) decided to make the experience more interesting, so we started calling him "Papa Arthur" and screaming and wailing over his death. That's right, there was a lot of old time English going on, with the hand across the forehead and the fake fainting.

Fainting Couch, as they were referred to in the 19th century, when women started to wear corsets and got all out of breath.

We were history majors, even then. What can I say? I will post more memories later. Right now I'm actually going to try and write something. All while babysitting, ha! These kids won't leave me alone!

Eep, let the new lifestyle begin

I am speaking of one change in particular. Which I'm probably irrationally freaked about, but it's been almost 8 years and... eep! Scared!

Also, if I seem moody from here on out, tell me so I can fix it.

A play and a concert tonight! And then hopefully writing something for this application due on Monday. Time is running out!!

I like long walks and sci-fi movies

And the song that subject line came from.

Something I've recently admitted to myself: I like sci-fi. I think I didn't want to admit it before because the category itself seems utterly nerdy and not my genre at all. Let's be honest, we all think sci-fi and go straight to Star Trek. Of which I am not a fan (confusing with the picture, isn't it?). Then I started thinking about some of my favorite movies and movie types, and realized that it totally falls under the sci-fi category. The Matrix, Minority Report, V for Vendetta. Yeah, I like it. And obviously my obsession with Joss Whedon.

So fine. Fine! I admit it. I like sci-fi. I mean, good sci-fi (subjective, I know). And currently, I'm obsessed with "Tin Man," which is awesome.

Alright, off to class. I will update on classes a bit later, since this semester is going to be cah-razy. Add in looking for jobs and I will have no life.

It continues...

The insomnia rages on.

"Why don't you do something productive, like that paper that's due or the application you've yet to begin?" You ask?

If productive things came from insomnia, I don't think there would be as many complaints. Who knows, just my opinion.

Yes, Paul Krugman, Yes!

He's just so fun to read, and a much better writer about how I feel about the bailout situation than I am. Perhaps because he's an expert in these matters. But seriously? Why is this my problem? Let capitalism fall if it's going to fall. Jeeeez.

Wish I had seen this before I wrote my post for replyforall about the economy. I said kinda what he did, just less eloquently and thought-through.

Elevating Science, Elevating Democracy

Wanted to post an essay written in The New York Times by Dennis Overbye about science. I really, really like it.

Elevating Science, Elevating Democracy

That's all for now. My professor just wrote me an email (I've been scamming for letters of rec) that said we haven't had a good long chat in a while, and then ended with, "Who are you, Jo?" Good question. If she'd asked me two weeks ago, the answer probably would have been different. Ever-changing, ever-contradicting. Like the Tao? Doubtful.

Also just wrote another old prof about life, which makes me not want to write more here. Sorry. You lose out.

Classes start tomorrow. And GO CARDINALS!