Procrastination!

I need to be writing essays for applications, reading for class, etc. But instead I'm choosing to write here.

I don't want to get into a huge post, though I've been thinking about a lot of things. I'll post a few quick thoughts, and we'll go from there.

1. I went to a Teach for America dinner tonight, and talked to a couple of alums who did the program and highly recommend it. Granted, one of them works for the recruitment office, so what do you expect? Still, she thought enough of the program to get a job getting other people to do it. And I did leave feeling a bit better about applying, but I'm wondering about my reasons. That is, why do I want to do Teach for America? Because it is a paying job, yes, definitely. Because I always end up working with kids, unfortunately (or not; though I dislike the category of "children" itself, I grow to like the individuals). But I also want to make a difference in the lives of others. And I was thinking, yeah, I should do this, or go for it at least.

But immediately after I left the dinner, I noticed a missed call from the 15-yr old for whom I babysit. (I should insert here that it's not about looking after said 15-yr old so much as it is driving him around.) Anyway, he called because he's rewriting his history paper and had a question about one of the marks I made on his paper. I was shocked that he actually took the time to read over it (I like to edit things, for fun, it's really quite sad), and take the time to call for a clarification when his grade in history is fine, though he could use some improvement in English (I said editing this paper was a practice for his English papers). So my first thought was that, hey, I could do this, I am having mini-English sessions with all the kids as it is, so why not get paid for it (though sadly, probably not as much per hour as I get babysitting)? Then I started thinking about whether or not I needed to be a teacher to do make a difference. I've had a talk with the mother about how much of an impact I've had on the kids' lives already, so do I really need to go into a field devoted to children?

Most importantly, there is a conflict here. Thinking about all of this made me wonder about the priorities I have when looking for a job path (I would say "career," but I'm not even sure I want to have one of those). The face-off is: Making a difference v. Doing something I'm passionate about. I would like to do both, of course, but which comes first? If I am making a difference, do I become more passionate about whatever that is? If I am passionate about something, will I not make a difference in whatever field that is? I'm passionate about politics, and I'm passionate about getting other people passionate about participating in politics. I'm passionate about the environment and passionate about getting other people passionate about the environment. I'm passionate about peace and acceptance (if not the welcoming) of other religions/lives/ways of knowing, and... I think you get the idea here.

2. I am wondering how much I am afraid to fail, and whether or not there are areas of my life in which I inhibit myself from success, consciously or unconsciously. The procrastination is a good example of this. Though I tell myself it's because I work well under pressure.

3. I read over my sister's blog and made a few discoveries. One being that my sister has a really good heart. To clarify, I knew this already but sometimes I am just astounded by how many facets her goodness has. Also, that there are a lot of similarities in our personal reflections/behaviors/obstacles, and I wonder if this is genetic or the environment in which we were raised. I enjoy reading her blog because I'm finding out a lot about her that I didn't know, or am able to understand things I do know, more deeply. Lastly, I am really confused as to why she has made the comment that I am the better writer because I read her blog and am then utterly embarrassed by the blabbering, fumbling mess that you all read here.

*If you are reading this by the way, please post something else. Mostly because your most recent post is not a reminder I want to have every time I check your blog. You should post more often anyway, but I don't think I've fully dealt with all of that yet and therefore can't be bombarded with those emotions every time I type in your url.

4. Friends are funny things. It's quite amazing how great some of you are, and I am so thankful for you all.


That's all for now. I have no pictures or links to share, maybe next time. Back to reading/ searching online for the HIMYM episode that I missed.