Something I've been meaning to write about for a while is the use of torture in interrogations. My dad brought up a YouTube video that he had watched that had a Playboy journalist getting waterboarded. (Since when does Playboy delve into controversial moral issues? But I guess that's a conversation for another time...) I couldn't find that particular video, but there are plenty of demonstrations on the internet with varying techniques. You can go to YouTube and watch them, but here's one done by a Fox News journalist:
This is interesting because it brings up the question of whether or not waterboarding is torture. After all, as Steve Harrigan says, afterwards one is "alive and healthy" within minutes. Granted, he hasn't had it done 183 times, nor was he sleep deprived or interrogated with other "robust" or "enhanced" techniques. He also knew he could stop it any time he wanted. But regardless, it's an interesting question. Here are my questions:
1)What is the difference between drowning and the simulation of drowning? Your body's doing the same thing. So can we agree that even if you're not in a swimming pool, or ocean, or whatever, you can still drown? If they were holding someone's head underwater, wouldn't that be the same thing? This way is just more efficient. It is faster and easily determined when someone is to the breaking point--that is, they will in fact drown if you don't stop. Whether or not it's torture, can we agree that it's drowning?
2)If waterboarding is not torture, then why don't we use it all the time? Think of how many murders we could solve if we just waterboarded all the suspects. Or is it not okay when it's one of our own? We hold ourselves to higher standards when it's the treatment of an American? I would say yes, because we were outraged during Vietnam when Americans were waterboarded.
3)Yes, okay, apparently these people are evidenced to be involved in terrorist activities. Sure, okay, whatever. But we're paying informants to give us names of who is involved, and then waterboarding those people. Hm. If we think that waterboarding does give reliable information, and it isn't torture, perhaps we should be waterboarding the informants. Seriously. Because then we will know that the evidence against these people is sufficient to hold them in cells for upwards of seven years without charging them with anything. AND, because it's not torture, there's no problem in doing it. Right?
4)More generally, what is torture? If you look it up in the dictionary, it says that it means to "inflict severe pain of the body or mind." My parents tried to argue that psycological tactics are not torture. I disagree. I think that psychological torture is more long-lasting. Ask any abused person-- it's not the cuts and bruises that stick with you. On waterboarding, perhaps I'm a little biased because I have an insurmountable fear of drowning. Perhaps.
Now, some responses to my above questions might include "you don't actually die," "we don't know if they're guilty," etc. etc. I'd like to raise the question of the Geneva Conventions. Waterboarding is torture under the Geneva Conventions. Period. The Geneva Conventions also state that all sentences must be pronouced by a regularly constituted court affording all judicial gaurantees. Now, the usual argument is that the Geneva Conventions are not applicable because terrorists did not sign them, and are not a nation-state. Soo. Okay, here is my response to that, along with some other related thoughts:
1)There is not "War on Terror." We never declared war. Or did I miss that being passed by Congress? No. My dad says that the terrorists declared war on us 9/11. First, terrorists did not declare war, because they are not a nation-state. As is so fully argued. If you are using the term loosely, I have two responses:
First, that this is not the first attack on the WTC, nor the first attack on American soil (including embassies overseas). So why are they just now "declaring war?" Because it was the right time for us to respond due, to the economic and political benefits of doing so?
Second, and I know that this is controversial. So if we can agree that they did not actually declare war on us (because they are not a nation-state), and we did not declare war on them (as a nation-state), doesn't that make both of our actions terrorist? I mean, we're bombing countries without even declaring war. That's an act of terrorism. If we declared war, it would be an act of war. I know I'm never going to get some people to understand that we are not at war... but we never declared war. So we are also terrorists. Does that make me seem unamerican? Sorry if it does, but that's just the logical outcome when you actually think about it.
2) By signing the Geneva Conventions (and btw, we require other countries to sign as part of our agreements), it doesn't mean that we agree to follow these articles with the other countries who signed. It means we won't do this to anyone. "But, the terrorists are not a nation-state," right? Okay, here is what is going through my head: Think about when the Geneva Conventions were written-- first in 1864, and the last convention was after WWII. What was the terrorist activities going on during that time? All actions were done through governments. My argument, then, is this. By omitting rules for dealing with "enemy combatants" (as we call the suspected terrorists), it doesn't mean that it is therefore okay to use torture. It just means that they had no idea what the world would be like more than fifty years later. If terrorists didn't exist then, and acts of war were performed by nation-states, why do we assume that they were thinking "alright, we'll just say nation-states, and then if it's terrorists, the rules do not apply." Maybe everyone who wrote it and agreed to it didn't know what would develop later in the future.
So now we're getting into the way to interpret it. This is just as controversial, as we have seen from the ways to interpret the Constitution on issues that were not explicitly written. But if we stick with interpreting the Geneva Conventions with the spirit in which it was written, then we have to agree that torture is not acceptable. Were the Geneva Conventions--knowing both that it was written in a time void of "terrorists" and that torture is condemned-- written only to protect citizens of a nation-state at war? Or was it to protect the sanctity of human life, and to require the humane treatment of one another? I say the latter, and that it was written in the language of the decade.
Honestly, if we really think that it's okay to torture enemy combatants, then why don't we just amend the conventions?? As far as I know, the last amendment we made--and this was after 9/11-- was to require the use of a red cross on humanitarian aid vehicles. So, why not an amendment?
3) This is on torture more generally. Suppose we can't get people to understand that torture against suspected terrorists is abhorrent. What about the effects of torture on the torturers? As in, Americans.
There has been a lot of research done on the effects of decreased sensitivity to pain. Meaning, you see pain inflicted so much that it just doesn't bother you anymore, to the point that inflicting pain doesn't bother you, and you carry it into other parts of your life. For instance, obviously we are pretty aware of the connection between animal abuse and sociopaths. Huge correlation there, a big red flag (You can read Cruelty to Animals and Interpersonal Violence by Lockwood and Ascione, if you're curious). But are you also aware of the research done on factory farming/slaughtering animals for a living and violence? There are plenty of antecdotal research done to show that those who slaughter animals for a living-- especially in factory farms where animals are treated like products rather than living beings-- are more likely to carry home with them this insensitivity to pain. That means increased domestic violence. As Gustavo and Illich would say, "only stories make sense." But for those of you out there who need numbers and scientific methods, check out Slaughterhouse & Increased Crime Rates: An Empirical Analysis of the Spillover by Fitzgerald et. al.
I'm not trying to get you to stop eating meat and dairy products. Though you should. What I am bringing up is the correlation between institutionalized violence and unauthorized violence. I'd be curious to know the behavior of torturers outside of the military. I'm sure there is some sort of correlation between torturing people for a living and being a violent person. So I'd really love to see a study done when the institutionalized violence is towards people. I'd assume there to be a much higher correlation when the acts of violence are done against the same species. Of course, we'd have to admit to torture before we could study it. Ha. So maybe I'll never know. But my point is, what are we doing to our military, and how is it affecting their sense of what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior (I would say "right" and "wrong" but I want to make clear that it is subjective, and we're talking about what is right according to our culture)? And through this effect, what are we doing to their families? To their friends? To those who may piss them off at a bar?
Alright. I should also mention the difference between correlation and causation, and spurrious correlation, etc. But the fact of those things is that we'll never know, so why are we taking the chance? (Similarly, the theists out there who kill over who's God exists, when we'll never know for sure whether one exists at all. Duh, that's why it's called faith. Again, a conversation for another time.)
So, what are your thoughts? Is waterboarding torture? Is torture acceptable in some circumstances? I have my own ideas about when torture should be used, but this post is really long already, so I'd love to hear your thoughts, and then I'll post my policy recommendation when it comes to torture.
Friday, June 26, 2009
Monday, June 22, 2009
Preparation...and pictures
I'm trying to start my life as a real live adult. And that starts with getting my finances in order: reviewing my credit report and putting together a payment plan for my student loans. Which are going to kick my ass. But at least I am now fully aware of how much so. Luckily, I realized two years ago that I needed to start saving money, so as it turns out I'm pretty responsible. Whew.
Krista and I have also been taking hikes to prepare for our AT backpacking trip. Oh, did I not update y'all? We said, "screw it, let's do the Appalachian Trail instead." I mean, really, why not? When the AT is in your backyard, you've gotta do it. We're still doing a loop, though, since we need a way home. So this past Saturday we did a bit over 6 miles at Crowders Mountain. My favorite trail= Rocktop trail. I've done it before but we crossed back this time with Crowders Trail. It was legit 97 degrees this weekend with what must have been 70% humidity. I stopped to take a picture of a bridge about .2 mile in, and beads of sweat started dripping down my forehead. Like, wait a minute, I haven't even started the physical activity...
So here are some pictures of Krista and me preparing. I decided that there would be plenty of photo documentation of this trip. It is my graduation gift and all.
Training, day one (Probably only about a 2.7mi day):
King's Pinnacle Trail
I thought these trees were pretty cool
Krista at completion
The bridge from my above story
Krista's point in the direction we need to go-- UP.
One gorgeous overlook.
Do you see the blazes? This is why it's my favorite
Robyn would be so proud of the bouldering
Krista and I have also been taking hikes to prepare for our AT backpacking trip. Oh, did I not update y'all? We said, "screw it, let's do the Appalachian Trail instead." I mean, really, why not? When the AT is in your backyard, you've gotta do it. We're still doing a loop, though, since we need a way home. So this past Saturday we did a bit over 6 miles at Crowders Mountain. My favorite trail= Rocktop trail. I've done it before but we crossed back this time with Crowders Trail. It was legit 97 degrees this weekend with what must have been 70% humidity. I stopped to take a picture of a bridge about .2 mile in, and beads of sweat started dripping down my forehead. Like, wait a minute, I haven't even started the physical activity...
So here are some pictures of Krista and me preparing. I decided that there would be plenty of photo documentation of this trip. It is my graduation gift and all.
Training, day one (Probably only about a 2.7mi day):
King's Pinnacle Trail
I thought these trees were pretty cool
Krista at completionTraining, day two (Over 6mi for sure, maybe 6.5mi):
The bridge from my above story
Krista's point in the direction we need to go-- UP.
One gorgeous overlook.
Do you see the blazes? This is why it's my favorite
Robyn would be so proud of the boulderingWell that about wraps it up. I have a deadline tomorrow for replyforall, but eh. I'll just get up early. Oh, also in my life preparation is GRE preparation. I don't even know what the test consists of section/question-wise, so I should really start looking into that. Anyone with any recommendations for computer- v. paper based?
Lastly, as I finish this massive blog post, I must say a bravissima! to Anna. She seems to be the only one who knows this quiz stuff (except Tonya knew the Nancy Drew, she just didn't post it). But honestly, people, if you don't start commenting soon, I'm going to stop blogging altogether (except for the paid stuff, of course). And it creeps me out a little that I don't know who's reading my posts...
Anyway, quiz time:
1) Explain the origin of PWNED. Then tell me how long it takes for the sun's light to reach the earth.
2) I have two massive collections of things. Other people are responsible for one collection (i.e. given to me as gifts), I am responsible for the other. What are they? Hint: They both have something in common-- their theme, perhaps. Another hint: Both can be found a my favorite store in Charlotte. Bonus if you know what that is.
Lastly, as I finish this massive blog post, I must say a bravissima! to Anna. She seems to be the only one who knows this quiz stuff (except Tonya knew the Nancy Drew, she just didn't post it). But honestly, people, if you don't start commenting soon, I'm going to stop blogging altogether (except for the paid stuff, of course). And it creeps me out a little that I don't know who's reading my posts...
Anyway, quiz time:
1) Explain the origin of PWNED. Then tell me how long it takes for the sun's light to reach the earth.
2) I have two massive collections of things. Other people are responsible for one collection (i.e. given to me as gifts), I am responsible for the other. What are they? Hint: They both have something in common-- their theme, perhaps. Another hint: Both can be found a my favorite store in Charlotte. Bonus if you know what that is.
Friday, June 19, 2009
Getting my head on straight
So my head's been in a bad place lately. I'm not really sure why but I wasn't my normal, carefree self. And that sucks. Worst of all, I spent the last week or so going about my day without thought. Now I wonder if that is why I'd been irritable, because I wasn't paying attention to life. I think when you live on purpose, it's a lot easier to go with the flow. I know that statement may seem contradictory, but I don't think it is at all.
Or maybe it's just the weather that's making me irritable. It is absurdly sticky outside, all the time. It's so hot it rains. If you live in humidity, that makes perfect sense to you and you understand exactly the situation in which I find myself. And you know that it's not pleasant. I feel like clothing should be optional in weather like this. Seriously.
...I'm doing more work for replyforall, which is nice, and I even have a work address now. It's almost like I have a real job!
Ohhhh. I saw Atonement. It was pretty incredible and now I'm upset I didn't read the book first. James McAvoy is working his way up the list of actors whom I will almost surely see in any film. I mean, come on, Wanted? That was pretty badass-- very reminiscent of Fight Club. Though I'm not a fan of any of his female film counterparts. So you must understand that, when I say Atonement is worth two hours of your life, it's not because Keira Knightley stole the show.
Speaking of shows! Phantom of the Opera? I think the music
gives me chills just about every time I hear it, but yesterday was the first time I'd seen it on stage. And seriously, I don't think musicals can ever live up to that standard ever again (or rather, they haven't since Weber brought Phantom to Broadway). The set was brilliant (I could talk about that for days), the music was looming, and the script was funny. And of course the mix between Broadway and Opera was pure genius. I mean, come on, people. I loved Wicked and all, but a moving dragon does not, nor could it ever, live up to a falling chandellier.
(For those of you who don't know, I am a HUGE theatre geek. So much so that I spell theatre with an "re" instead of an "er." Whatever. That's how it's spelled.)
Let's end on that note with a quiz question. I don't know if I should ask another random, because apparently no one knows the difference between the Qur'an and the hadith. Look it up, people. It might clear up some confusion, and then you can school some Republican/Conservative/Christian ass. Or stop being one of them yourself.
Sorry, that was off-subject. The question is: What is a childhood favorite musical of mine? (Hint: it's still a favorite and I performed in it. Bonus if you can tell me my role.)
Or maybe it's just the weather that's making me irritable. It is absurdly sticky outside, all the time. It's so hot it rains. If you live in humidity, that makes perfect sense to you and you understand exactly the situation in which I find myself. And you know that it's not pleasant. I feel like clothing should be optional in weather like this. Seriously.
...I'm doing more work for replyforall, which is nice, and I even have a work address now. It's almost like I have a real job!
Ohhhh. I saw Atonement. It was pretty incredible and now I'm upset I didn't read the book first. James McAvoy is working his way up the list of actors whom I will almost surely see in any film. I mean, come on, Wanted? That was pretty badass-- very reminiscent of Fight Club. Though I'm not a fan of any of his female film counterparts. So you must understand that, when I say Atonement is worth two hours of your life, it's not because Keira Knightley stole the show.Speaking of shows! Phantom of the Opera? I think the music
gives me chills just about every time I hear it, but yesterday was the first time I'd seen it on stage. And seriously, I don't think musicals can ever live up to that standard ever again (or rather, they haven't since Weber brought Phantom to Broadway). The set was brilliant (I could talk about that for days), the music was looming, and the script was funny. And of course the mix between Broadway and Opera was pure genius. I mean, come on, people. I loved Wicked and all, but a moving dragon does not, nor could it ever, live up to a falling chandellier.(For those of you who don't know, I am a HUGE theatre geek. So much so that I spell theatre with an "re" instead of an "er." Whatever. That's how it's spelled.)
Let's end on that note with a quiz question. I don't know if I should ask another random, because apparently no one knows the difference between the Qur'an and the hadith. Look it up, people. It might clear up some confusion, and then you can school some Republican/Conservative/Christian ass. Or stop being one of them yourself.
Sorry, that was off-subject. The question is: What is a childhood favorite musical of mine? (Hint: it's still a favorite and I performed in it. Bonus if you can tell me my role.)
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Nothing really
I don't really have much to say but I'm up and figured I'd blog. So, updates?
Today (technically, since it's after midnight) is my sister's birthday! Hurray! And flag day, if that matters to you. We had her party tonight. I gave her a sock monkey. Which now means that I have Beastie Boys stuck in my head.
And speaking of head, HAHAHA. Okay, sorry, I wish I had something a little more provocative to say than "I have an awful headache." But I do, and it kills.
Other than that, nothing really happened
today. Went hiking with my sister this morning at Crowders Mountain to King's Pinnacle. Which was labeled "strenuous" but we didn't think it was so bad. Until of course about a mile and a half in when suddenly it began the 45 degree incline. Ha, but it was fine. Also saw a black snake on the way back, which was sweet as. Backpacking in less than a month! I can't wait!
Oh! I went to Shakespeare in the park last night, which was pretty cool. Had a nice little picnic and watched Twelfth Night (which I believe you will recall was a quiz question a while back). I like that play a lot, but I always mix up some of the story with As You Like It... too many cross-dressing females of which to keep track. Both pretty hilarious, though.
Also hilarious? My dad saying "are you serial?" to my mom tonight.
Alright, I have to get away from this screen because I think my head is going to explode. But speaking of quizzes, it's been a while since I entertained you (eh, entertained myself, really) with a quiz. So here goes (one random, one personal-- as usual):
1) Per a conversation at dinner tonight: What is the difference between the Qur'an and the hadith?
2) I keep a notebook in my bag with a bunch of random questions/info/notes/etc. What is the piece of information I need from this notebook when I go into a used book store?
Today (technically, since it's after midnight) is my sister's birthday! Hurray! And flag day, if that matters to you. We had her party tonight. I gave her a sock monkey. Which now means that I have Beastie Boys stuck in my head.
And speaking of head, HAHAHA. Okay, sorry, I wish I had something a little more provocative to say than "I have an awful headache." But I do, and it kills.
Other than that, nothing really happened
today. Went hiking with my sister this morning at Crowders Mountain to King's Pinnacle. Which was labeled "strenuous" but we didn't think it was so bad. Until of course about a mile and a half in when suddenly it began the 45 degree incline. Ha, but it was fine. Also saw a black snake on the way back, which was sweet as. Backpacking in less than a month! I can't wait!Oh! I went to Shakespeare in the park last night, which was pretty cool. Had a nice little picnic and watched Twelfth Night (which I believe you will recall was a quiz question a while back). I like that play a lot, but I always mix up some of the story with As You Like It... too many cross-dressing females of which to keep track. Both pretty hilarious, though.
Also hilarious? My dad saying "are you serial?" to my mom tonight.
Alright, I have to get away from this screen because I think my head is going to explode. But speaking of quizzes, it's been a while since I entertained you (eh, entertained myself, really) with a quiz. So here goes (one random, one personal-- as usual):
1) Per a conversation at dinner tonight: What is the difference between the Qur'an and the hadith?
2) I keep a notebook in my bag with a bunch of random questions/info/notes/etc. What is the piece of information I need from this notebook when I go into a used book store?
Saturday, June 13, 2009
An interesting find...
Cleaned out stuff in my room today and found a garter belt, condoms, and Mario Lemieux cards. Strange... and slightly kinky...
Also having a debate right now with one of my guy friends about the whole friends and sex thing. He is just not getting it. He is, in fact, convinced that we will eventually have sex. But funny thing, I tried to tell him that, as my guy friend, he has the anatomy of a Ken doll. I explained, and then he got really disappointed/ started laughing. He thought I meant that he was really attractive (...like a Ken doll?). HAHA. I'm not laughing because he's not, I'm just laughing because he cracks me up sometimes. Especially because we are having an actual argument about it. He's trying to explain this to me "logically." HAHA.
Alright, that was worth picking up the phone at two in the morning. Now I'm going to bed because I'm going hiking tomorrow! Wahoooo.
Also having a debate right now with one of my guy friends about the whole friends and sex thing. He is just not getting it. He is, in fact, convinced that we will eventually have sex. But funny thing, I tried to tell him that, as my guy friend, he has the anatomy of a Ken doll. I explained, and then he got really disappointed/ started laughing. He thought I meant that he was really attractive (...like a Ken doll?). HAHA. I'm not laughing because he's not, I'm just laughing because he cracks me up sometimes. Especially because we are having an actual argument about it. He's trying to explain this to me "logically." HAHA.
Alright, that was worth picking up the phone at two in the morning. Now I'm going to bed because I'm going hiking tomorrow! Wahoooo.
Friday, June 12, 2009
My Speech!
I realized I never posted my valedictorian speech from high school. So here it is. Don't judge me, okay? This was four years ago... though I still stand by everything I said then, I hope that now I would say it a bit more elegantly...
"Good afternoon Class of 2005, parents, and guests. Today is a formality- an announcement to the world of achievements long since made. I am happy to be standing here so I can let those to whom I am grateful know how much their guidance has meant to me. I want to first acknowledge my parents and sisters, I love you more than I can express; each one of you has inspired me in a different way. To all of my teachers: your classes were the reason that I came to school (when I did) and those of you who I have promised a car, I will follow through one day, cross my heart. And to my friends, especially my best friend, Amy, thank you for putting up with someone as difficult as me; thank you for the pats on the back, the honest advice, the orange juice, and all of the great memories that I’ll carry with me forever. It wasn’t that I was comfortable enough to be myself around you, but instead that I had no choice.
After asking several people about this speech, I realized that I should not discuss something that I hope will impact you years from now in your lives. It occurred to me that many of you will have forgotten what I have said before August and others before the night is over. Instead, I should talk about what is meaningful to us now. But I will try to take the advice of one of my teachers for writing papers. So hopefully this speech will be like a girl’s skirt, long enough to cover what’s important but short enough to keep them interested.
I’ve realized this year that I am not ready to be on my own. This year I have felt so mature, so grown-- as we all have, I’m sure. This year I have felt like an adult, and then something happens. Especially these past few months, where I feel so experienced until a certain event occurs and it knocks me off my pedestal, and suddenly… I feel utterly childish. I am helpless and not as independent and settled as I thought I was before. But in dealing with this loss I have also found some things out about myself.
In the eastern religion of Taoism, the essence of the Un-carved Block is that things or people in their natural simplicity have power within themselves. I know many people may stand up here and say that at this age, we are like clay, ready to be molded into the person we should be. But I want to ask all of you to stay un-carved. We have plenty of expectations to live up to in our lives, as a sister, brother, a son or a daughter, and a friend, and maybe one day a husband or wife and a mother or father. We have to be careful not to become the person that other people want us to be, but instead the person that we have been all along. Our simplicity is what makes us who we are, beyond what others may turn us into. It is when we allow others to change us that we begin to be chipped away, and carved into someone that we are not.
Keeping this in mind, we are all products of what we encounter. Every person that we come in contact with changes us, every event shapes us to a certain extent. So even if we regret people that we come in contact with, or grieve over events that have occurred, we have to appreciate them for what they are-- because everything that has happened to us, good or bad, has led us to this moment.
And now we are here, graduating and suffering the grief of leaving our friends, with whom we have not just grown older, but with whom we have grown. It’s hard to think about leaving everyone because I know if we all came back here in ten years it would not be the same-- Charlotte may be, but we won’t. Nelson Mandela once said that “there is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.” It is my hope that everyone here, when that day comes, will be satisfied with who we are.
The best advice I can give all of us, even myself, is to keep our eyes open, to acquire knowledge with an open heart and a receptive mind. Know the rules before you break them; know the people before you hate them. And go cautiously but confidently into the future. So one last thank you to everyone here for listening to me and not falling asleep, and for those of you who did, thanks for doing it quietly. To the Class of ’0-5, see ya in 10 years."
"Good afternoon Class of 2005, parents, and guests. Today is a formality- an announcement to the world of achievements long since made. I am happy to be standing here so I can let those to whom I am grateful know how much their guidance has meant to me. I want to first acknowledge my parents and sisters, I love you more than I can express; each one of you has inspired me in a different way. To all of my teachers: your classes were the reason that I came to school (when I did) and those of you who I have promised a car, I will follow through one day, cross my heart. And to my friends, especially my best friend, Amy, thank you for putting up with someone as difficult as me; thank you for the pats on the back, the honest advice, the orange juice, and all of the great memories that I’ll carry with me forever. It wasn’t that I was comfortable enough to be myself around you, but instead that I had no choice.
After asking several people about this speech, I realized that I should not discuss something that I hope will impact you years from now in your lives. It occurred to me that many of you will have forgotten what I have said before August and others before the night is over. Instead, I should talk about what is meaningful to us now. But I will try to take the advice of one of my teachers for writing papers. So hopefully this speech will be like a girl’s skirt, long enough to cover what’s important but short enough to keep them interested.
I’ve realized this year that I am not ready to be on my own. This year I have felt so mature, so grown-- as we all have, I’m sure. This year I have felt like an adult, and then something happens. Especially these past few months, where I feel so experienced until a certain event occurs and it knocks me off my pedestal, and suddenly… I feel utterly childish. I am helpless and not as independent and settled as I thought I was before. But in dealing with this loss I have also found some things out about myself.
In the eastern religion of Taoism, the essence of the Un-carved Block is that things or people in their natural simplicity have power within themselves. I know many people may stand up here and say that at this age, we are like clay, ready to be molded into the person we should be. But I want to ask all of you to stay un-carved. We have plenty of expectations to live up to in our lives, as a sister, brother, a son or a daughter, and a friend, and maybe one day a husband or wife and a mother or father. We have to be careful not to become the person that other people want us to be, but instead the person that we have been all along. Our simplicity is what makes us who we are, beyond what others may turn us into. It is when we allow others to change us that we begin to be chipped away, and carved into someone that we are not.
Keeping this in mind, we are all products of what we encounter. Every person that we come in contact with changes us, every event shapes us to a certain extent. So even if we regret people that we come in contact with, or grieve over events that have occurred, we have to appreciate them for what they are-- because everything that has happened to us, good or bad, has led us to this moment.
And now we are here, graduating and suffering the grief of leaving our friends, with whom we have not just grown older, but with whom we have grown. It’s hard to think about leaving everyone because I know if we all came back here in ten years it would not be the same-- Charlotte may be, but we won’t. Nelson Mandela once said that “there is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.” It is my hope that everyone here, when that day comes, will be satisfied with who we are.
The best advice I can give all of us, even myself, is to keep our eyes open, to acquire knowledge with an open heart and a receptive mind. Know the rules before you break them; know the people before you hate them. And go cautiously but confidently into the future. So one last thank you to everyone here for listening to me and not falling asleep, and for those of you who did, thanks for doing it quietly. To the Class of ’0-5, see ya in 10 years."
Seriously wondering
If it is possible for men and women to be "just friends." I mean, really. I'm very annoyed with the men in my life... though to be more accurate I should include "not in my life" in that statement as well.
I could probably elaborate about this more but I'll spare y'all the ranting. I think I'm a good friend. I dare say a great friend. And maybe guys should take that into consideration when trying to mess things up by bring it up to the next level (jumping ladders, if you will) or thinking that I do just because I am considerate. Maybe I just like to do nice things for people and your penis has nothing to do with it. And maybe you should just be happy with me doing nice things for you instead of wishing that at some point in the future I will be doing them naked.
Ugh. Is Harry right?
I could probably elaborate about this more but I'll spare y'all the ranting. I think I'm a good friend. I dare say a great friend. And maybe guys should take that into consideration when trying to mess things up by bring it up to the next level (jumping ladders, if you will) or thinking that I do just because I am considerate. Maybe I just like to do nice things for people and your penis has nothing to do with it. And maybe you should just be happy with me doing nice things for you instead of wishing that at some point in the future I will be doing them naked.
Ugh. Is Harry right?
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Home again, home again
I'm back in North Carolina for what I hope will not be too short or too long a time. Graduation was great. I didn't realize until I looked at the program that I graduated cum laude. So that's pretty cool.
Now, I'm looking into something... I swear I have so many different life tracks in which I'm interested that I'm struggling to figure out which one to do at which moment, for fear that the opportunities to do the other tracks will be gone later. Am I really considering academia? Yep, that's right, graduate school. For my Master's? No no, I like to really dive in. I'm looking at PhD programs. I should probably take the GRE at some point. Meh.
I'm also in the process of unpacking. I kind of like living out of suitcases and boxes, but packing and unpacking is also nice because I have to take a hard look at what I have and learn to purge my life of the unnecessary material goods within it.
Oh... and today I found a box stuffed into a far corner of my room. High school sentimental box. As in, high school boyfriend box. Ick. It was very nice to throw that entire thing away. I wonder if I'm condemned to spend my life trying to forget the past. I did read a letter that was in the box. Probably the best one to read because it was an apology of sorts... then I found "our" journal (yep, I'm pretty creative when it comes to long distance relationships) and the last entry was one I don't think he ever read. I think that was at the point when I was becoming stronger. I hated looking back over those things (but of course I couldn't resist taking a peek) because I find myself to have been so pathetic. The memories come flooding back (the concussion, the sprained ankle, the bruises and scars inside and out) when "hypothetical" conversations arise and I just want to throw up sometimes. But I'm stronger for it, and I guess that's all that matters. I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it... I think that's how the saying goes.
And much like bad things, all good things come to an end. Like the college years (for a while?). I had a lot of fun, I have to admit. Not that I look back at Wellesley with some nostalgic longing to go back there or anything. But I am happy for Wellesley if for no other reason than giving me the opportunity to meet some amazing people. See how much fun we had at the photo booth? :)
And sometimes, when good things end, some other good things come back! Like Eric! I think he's coming over for some high school-style BFFL action tonight, which means cooking, guitar/singing jam session, and hopefully a massage. And perhaps more brainstorming about how to make miniature animals (like dolphins and elephants) a reality. And perhaps a debate on all things political and religious and silly. I'm setting the bar pretty high. But there's a lot to catch up on before his BAND goes on TOUR this summer. Ugh, I'm so jealous. He's living his dream. I'm probably more jealous that he even knows what his dream is, much less the fact that he's living it.
Since this seems to be a reflection on high school, and college, and all that great stuff, I believe my next post will be my graduation speech. Bah-haha! Back when I was all smart and valedictorian. You just can't wait, can you?
Now, I'm looking into something... I swear I have so many different life tracks in which I'm interested that I'm struggling to figure out which one to do at which moment, for fear that the opportunities to do the other tracks will be gone later. Am I really considering academia? Yep, that's right, graduate school. For my Master's? No no, I like to really dive in. I'm looking at PhD programs. I should probably take the GRE at some point. Meh.
I'm also in the process of unpacking. I kind of like living out of suitcases and boxes, but packing and unpacking is also nice because I have to take a hard look at what I have and learn to purge my life of the unnecessary material goods within it.
Oh... and today I found a box stuffed into a far corner of my room. High school sentimental box. As in, high school boyfriend box. Ick. It was very nice to throw that entire thing away. I wonder if I'm condemned to spend my life trying to forget the past. I did read a letter that was in the box. Probably the best one to read because it was an apology of sorts... then I found "our" journal (yep, I'm pretty creative when it comes to long distance relationships) and the last entry was one I don't think he ever read. I think that was at the point when I was becoming stronger. I hated looking back over those things (but of course I couldn't resist taking a peek) because I find myself to have been so pathetic. The memories come flooding back (the concussion, the sprained ankle, the bruises and scars inside and out) when "hypothetical" conversations arise and I just want to throw up sometimes. But I'm stronger for it, and I guess that's all that matters. I can be changed by what happens to me, but I refuse to be reduced by it... I think that's how the saying goes.
And much like bad things, all good things come to an end. Like the college years (for a while?). I had a lot of fun, I have to admit. Not that I look back at Wellesley with some nostalgic longing to go back there or anything. But I am happy for Wellesley if for no other reason than giving me the opportunity to meet some amazing people. See how much fun we had at the photo booth? :)
And sometimes, when good things end, some other good things come back! Like Eric! I think he's coming over for some high school-style BFFL action tonight, which means cooking, guitar/singing jam session, and hopefully a massage. And perhaps more brainstorming about how to make miniature animals (like dolphins and elephants) a reality. And perhaps a debate on all things political and religious and silly. I'm setting the bar pretty high. But there's a lot to catch up on before his BAND goes on TOUR this summer. Ugh, I'm so jealous. He's living his dream. I'm probably more jealous that he even knows what his dream is, much less the fact that he's living it.
Since this seems to be a reflection on high school, and college, and all that great stuff, I believe my next post will be my graduation speech. Bah-haha! Back when I was all smart and valedictorian. You just can't wait, can you?
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