A rant, one month later

Okay, I have really been slacking on the updates. But really I am so happily confused with life right now that I don't feel like processing anything by writing about it.

To compromise, I'm posting a letter/rant I wrote to a friend a month or so ago (before I went to CA). I just thought about some of the things again recently, so I'm just going to plagiarize myself from July. I'm too lazy to correct the grammatical errors, by the way, so get over it. And it's long. But, you don't have to read it. No one's making you. :) Here goes:

"Well hello!!!

Remember that email I was supposed to finish and send a long time ago? Yeah, it's a little irrelevant now. But I just watched Schindler's List for the first time, and it reminded me of that movie you were telling us about in DC, something about pajamas and WWII?

Anyway, I was really taken aback by Schindler's List and I thought I would write a few words here. Because I feel like you'd understand. So first of all, who the HELL out there could possibly believe that the holocaust was a hoax?!? SERIOUSLY. And quite frankly, holocaust really doesn't do those actions justice, so I'm just going to call it genocide/massacre/murder from here on out. When I was watching a movie about the massacres during WWII, I started thinking about two things. The first being when they sing during the Sabbath. I started thinking about books I have read ("Night," for one) when they discuss how many Jews lost faith during the genocide. Not that I blame them. How could a God let something like that happen? Continuously, for such minute reasons? I'm not a religious person or anything, but I respect people skeptically have faith. And while I understand that life experiences affect whether or not someone believes in God (the kind of house they were raised in, religious people they came in contact with, etc.), I do believe that in the end, a person's relationship with God is between God and that person. So if God does exist-- and if s/he/they exist, what kind are they,really?-- it makes me really sad that human actions have turned the most faithful to the most resentful. It's not even that some don't believe in God, just that some refuse to pray to Him because they hate Him for what happened then. I find it completely understandable, don't get me wrong, but it makes me sad to think that the case. The human species sucks. Period. We can fuck anything up.

The second thing I was thinking revolves around the end of the movie. I started crying when (I'm assuming you've seen this movie?) Schindler cries at the end, saying he could have done more, he could have saved one more. One, it's sad that during the horrific depictions of treatment of the Jews, that I didn't cry, yet I did when Schindler did. I like to think that it's because I respond to emotions and not violence, but maybe part of it is that violence has become so "Hollywood" that emotions are the only thing I can connect to at this point. Shoot a man-- who cares? Cry about it-- okay, there's a chance-- but they'd better be a good actor. That is SAD. Anyway. When Schindler starts crying at the end, I have to wonder about how things haunt people. Particularly the feeling that we could have done more. Can we be doing more? Just because I'm not witnessing the atrocities firsthand, I KNOW they exist. What am I doing? Will this haunt me when I finally understand how MY inaction led to the demise of others? Or worse, will it never haunt me, when it should?

On a lighter (not really) but current note, I have to vent quickly about something I woke up to on the radio today. My parents are very conservative, and they blast conservative radio shows all over the house through our intercom (and oh yes, my mom LOVES the O'Reilly Factor). So. I woke up to some guy talking about slavery, saying "it's slavery" over and over. So I wondered to myself, "what is? Am I missing some knowledge of world events?" And do you know what he was talking about? The frickin' HEALTH CARE BILL that's in Congress right now. The healthcare bill that will add around a 1% tax to those making over $350,000. That's how they're going to pay for everyone to get healthcare. And this guy was calling it slavery, because that means that people are working for other people without receiving the money for it. "That's slavery, it's slavery," he said. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? Are you seriously comparing a ONE PERCENT TAX INCREASE ON RICH PEOPLE to SLAVERY?!? He even said something about "that's what they did in the 18th century-- they brought them over on boats and made them work for someone else." THAT'S SLAVERY? Right, right. I am also a slave because I volunteer for Habitat for Humanity. Right? I mean, if that's ALL that slavery is (or, the most IMPORTANT part of slavery), I'm working for someone else and not getting paid. That makes me a slave. Wow. I had no idea my life was so hard. Or rather, what were those crazy slaves complainging about? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!? It has nothing to do with suppression of rights, freedom, happiness, identity, respect. Nah, it's all about the MONEY. If we had paid them but still treated them like second-class citizens they wouldn't be slaves, and there would be no problem. Right? Because who cares about anything but money? UGH.

Okay. I think I'm done for now. I just thought of you, and decided I would subject you to my 3am ramblings. I hope you are doing well. Where are you? What are you up to? And what bothers you about the world/hollywood/humans/

yourself/republicans? You know I'm always available for a vent/sarcastic email. Hopefully I'll have something funny to write about soon. I'll let you know. As for me, I'm a graduate still working with replyforall (though barely, based on my hours) and can't find a job. Wahooo. And I'm being extremely lazy about it. But I'm having a summer filled with mountain biking, kayaking, whitewater rafting, and rock climbing. So that's definitely a highlight. :) Write back sooonnnn! (And, question from the first email I wrote you, what happened with the student at Colby? Did anything get resolved? Satisfactorily?)

Mish you. <3,>