...and the living is easy

Welp, here I am in CA. I actually haven't done that much exploring, but I've had a pretty good time so far. Tanner picked me up from the airport and we drove about 3 hours to Avery where his family has a mountain property. It was absolutely gorgeous. We spent a lot of time talking and drinking (a LOT of drinking) and cooking and hanging out by the lake(s). The last night we moved the mattresses outside and had a bottle of wine and talked and looked at the stars. There were so many of them! I am always amazed with that, and we looked for constellations (which, geez, are so much harder to find when you can see thousands of stars). It was a lot of fun.

And last night, I saw the Counting Crows for the first time in concert. Since I can probably match songs from them to most of my life (I mean, really, they've been around for a while), that was quite a treat. Of course, we get there, and SURPRISE! Backstage passes! I was very impressed, and Tanner-- whether he was trying to or not-- made my trip. He is going to make someone very, very happy one day.

So right now I'm in a cafe in Berkeley, where the guy gave me a free cup of coffee since I didn't have cash. The people who have made me feel incredibly welcome are the ones that I would least expect, and I could see myself living out here for a while. Six years may be a stretch, and the more I leave home, the more I see myself going back to the South.

That said, I kind of wish I wasn't out here for another week. I kind of wish I was going home today. I love spending time with Tanner (and his family is awesome), but I really wish I could transplant him to NC. All of my close friends are pretty spread out, and that makes me incredibly sad.

Oh, and those of you who remember my being weird about other possibilities for the trip, no worries there. It wasn't so much weird as it was "eh," and it kind of makes me wish I'd skipped out on that. If I had one expression, it would be to roll my eyes. I hope y'all can figure that out, because I don't really know what else to say.

And ROBYN. Still haven't seen her. Today I think I'm going to go to a bookstore, get a book, and go to one of the parks in San Francisco. It's amazing how not outgoing I am when I'm in a new place by myself. But there are a few things on my list that I really want to do, so hopefully I won't be too lazy. City Lights is on the list.

Right now I'm just going to throw caution to the wind and maybe meet up with a guy I met Saturday night who said he'd show me around the city. I don't remember him all that well, but maybe I need to meet someone random and have a new good experience.

That's about it for now. I haven't done anything too crazy, so I don't have any good stories. My bad. Now I really need to do replyforall. But that's your update, people. I'll try to be better in the future. Also, read the replyforall blog, please, because there's some interesting stuff I've been reading about, and I think that it would be easier to read it there than having me repost it on this site. Kthanxbye.

Off to Sunny San Fran

I really don't have much of an update other than the one I just wrote. I survived my backpacking trip, and I went mountain biking (don't ask me about it, I won't stop laughing), and flat-water kayaking. Now I kind of don't feel like going to California because I just want to be at home and go whitewater rafting, and kayaking, and rock climbing as much as I want. Screw SF.

No, I really just hate change. I mean, I love change and new things, but not at first. Then I'm going to get comfortable in California and decide I'm going to live there instead of coming home. But maybe not. Maybe I'll have an awful time. Especially if my last post is true.

This is kind of sweet. Whenever I feel like keeping things a secret (except from maybe my friends who can read that) I'll just post like before.

I've decided. I want someone or something to knock me off my feet. Otherwise, it's a waste of time.

ऑफ़ तो सुन्नी सन फ्रां

इ'म ऑफ़ तो कैलिफोर्निया टुमॉरो फॉर अ ट्रिप ठाट विल लिकेल्य नोट बे नेअर्ल्य अस कूल अस इ इमागिनेद आईटी। बुत ठाट'स ओके, इ गेस। इ ऍम जुस्त अ लिटिल फ्राज्ज्लेद राईट नो एंड कोउल्ड रेअल्ली जुस्त पिचक उप एंड मोवे सोमेव्हेरे इफ थे फीलिंग वास राईट।

सिल्लिनेस। इ'म गोइंग तो एंड थिस पोस्ट अस वेल बेकाउसे, इफ यू दिदं'टी नोटिस, फॉर सम रासों इ'म व्रितिंग इन हिन्दी। वेइर्द.

No one would sleep that night

"Ralph Waldo Emerson once asked what we would do if the stars only came out once every thousand years. No one would sleep that night, of course. The world would create new religions overnight. We would be ecstatic, delirious, made rapturous by the glory of God. Instead, the stars come out every night and we watch television."

Thanks for the quotation, Robyn. Love it. So true, and so sad.

Home is where the heart is

Ugh. I am such a butthole sometimes. Yesterday I yelled at my mom-- yes, she yelled at me first, but that's really no excuse-- and pushed past her to get up the stairs. We were talking about taking our cars in to be fixed because they've been recalled again. It's starting to freak me out, the number of ways they're discovering that this car could accidentally kill me.

Regardless, I was asking why my mom couldn't pick me up and take me back to my car so I wouldn't have to wait there (since I do most of my work between 10am-2pm and 10pm-2am). And all of a sudden she brings up about how she is paying my rent and my car insurance. So of course I say, um, you're paying my rent? "No, but I've paid your car insurance." Okay, that made me a bit upset. Because 1) I was willing to pay my car insurance but was told that until I was out of school it was fine, and 2) by not paying my car insurance am I now allowing this to be held over my head any single time we disagree? So I yelled something about how it was all about money with her and she could take all the money in my checking account because I want a mother not a banker. And then I wrote her a check.

Then I went outside and called my otter because my heart was pounding and I don't really remember the last time I yelled like that. So then I went and apologized and we talked about what I could do around the house to keep my mom from being stressed.

That's about all. I hate that I'm so ungrateful sometimes. I mean, not that I agree with my mother's actions at all, but that really has nothing to do with my behavior. I know they are trying and that this is hard for everyone. And while I know I don't ever see myself chasing after the dollar, I really wish sometimes that I didn't have to grow up on the "poor bubble," teetering all the time between being just fine and really struggling. I'm sure there is a point to all of it, maybe that I don't think money is all that important. But that doesn't stop me from wishing I had it, just so my parents wouldn't be so stressed all the time.

In other news, fourth of July was good and sad all at the same time. It was Granny's birthday and we went to the cemetery. No one warned me, and the mere thought made me well with tears. But my sister and I made pretty arrangements with her hydrangeas and lilies and roses, put them in mason jars with river stones and water, and set them at Granny and Pop's grave site. And my banana pudding seemed to be a pretty big hit at the cookout. My cousin (who is like, 50. My dad got a late start on having kids compared to his back country relatives) asked me who taught me how to make it, and when I said "Granny," he said "okay then, I'll give it a try." One thing I've realized now is that getting closer to Granny last summer gave me a chance to get closer with that whole side of the family. And they're rednecks, lemme tell you. And pretty hilarious.